At the end of each day, I'm glad things are finally falling into place (a little), moments alone are rare now compared to a rather fearful period just a few weeks ago. But sometimes, conversations run dry. So I tell myself meet-ups are merely meet-ups and only sometimes lead to a follow-up and I can't expect to get too much out of a conversation. At other times, I wonder why I can't communicate with others too well - I haven't found an answer to that.

Actually, they don't seem like they're falling into place when I realise others are talking much more to each other, having much more fun with each other. Comparison is such a killjoy.

I always end up asking myself why there aren't many things I'd like to say to others. After all that has happened, I realised there's so much you cannot say. Up till now, I find it difficult to know where to draw the line - when to speak and when not to. In the end, it's still the safest to not speak at all.

I yearn for the day where I can be completely comfortable around someone. Afterall, it's just me who finds it uncomfortable. Just me who prefers to not try to open up to others while communicating. It's easy to open up to spaces (like a diary) because there's no communication involved and there's nothing to care about. Everything's different when there is a person in front of you. But it's painful to share everything with just a book.

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People are such complicated beings and I would honestly prefer not to be involved. Just to sit there and observe the interaction between them would be enough. If only I wasn't human and didn't have a fear of being alone and unwanted.

It's much easier to be a robot than to have feelings; but there isn't much point in living like that, I guess. Why else would I subconsciously complain about feeling "empty" and "devoid of emotion"?